The Diary of a Hopeful Fat Girl

WordPress.com

Month: March, 2013

Day 30…

WOW!!! I’m so proud of myself. I made it 30 whole days and I didnt die…just kidding. I’m honestly not sure if I’ve ever made it this long before on a diet without just giving up all together…oh wait, I have. I breastfed for 6 months. LOL! I dont know if you can really call that one a diet but basically it’s the only truly “natural” “fast working” “eat as much as you want” diet. BAHAHAHA! I’m cracking myself up! Seriously, I can remember nursing my son and my weight was 216! That seems like ages ago since he just turned 5 last month. Well, since I’m at the 30 day mark, I’d like to share some things I’m thankful for but first I’m going to share the numbers you’ve all been waiting for! I am proud to announce that I am down 13 lbs since I started this journey a month ago. I am almost to my first goal of 15 lbs and then I get to go see my brother and his fiance who live 5 hours away for a getaway day or two! How fun is that!?! So I started out at my heaviest at 265 and now I am down to 252! I feel great and I’m so proud of myself. Part of me is still hesitant to start sharing this blog and go all public but I might get there sometime. For now, it’s my little secret that I haven’t really been sharing with anyone. Actually, this whole weight loss thing is my little secret. Very few people know that I’m even trying. I’m not sure why exactly I’m keeping it a secret except that when you’re as morbidly obese as I am, you just dont want to shout it from the rooftops that you lost 13 lbs sometimes because I’m sure people are thinking politely to themselves “Oh yeah, that’s great but she’s got a ways to go.” or “Wow, I cant really tell yet…maybe after another 60 or so I’ll see it.” People are mean and truthful all at the same time but I’m rolling with it. I’ll get through it. When I’m ready to get out of my “fat closet” I’ll step out in some size 16 jeans, some killer flats, and a pretty pink scarf that actually looks nice atop my huge boobs. LOL!

After my little razz of fat humor, I feel it’s necessary to get to the point. I’m so thankful for so many things these past 30 days. If anyone else is ever reading this blog and in the same shoes I am now, I want you to know that your battle is hard. It’s long and it’s difficult. It starts at 5:50 am and doesnt end until midnight some nights. You’re fighting at the table, in a restaurant, at your desk at work, in the bathroom, in your car, it’s all.the.time. You win some, you lose some but you need to win more and you will. Anyone can be successful with a few simple rules. (I’d post them but that’s a whole other blog post.)

Today, 13 lbs lighter, I’m thankful for:

cupsThese awesome cups! I am currently using the blue one in the center but I have the green one too. I always drink my water out of them. Before this diet, I used to drink sweet tea out of them all day long. I think since I was in the habit of chugging something from it all the time, it made a smoother transition to water. I can proudly say I’m 30 days sweet tea free!!!

fridgeA fridge with a water and ice dispenser. This is sooooo important to me because I go in for a fill up at least every 2-3 hours. I’m sipping water all day long and I’m so glad to have an endless fountain to get it from that I love. Ours makes a cute little beep sound sometimes too. Gotta love the perks of modern technology. ūüôā

mexican!¬†MEXICAN FOOD!!! Pollo con queso to be exact! I have always loved this dish in Mexican restaurants and I’m so thankful that it’s high in protein and it’s such a good splurge meal for me because I usually make 2 meals out of it (if I can beat my husband to the leftovers.) I have been diagnosed as insulin resistant a long time ago in the past and it can be well controlled if you balance carbs and proteins well and this was always my go to meal when I needed a little pick me up but didnt want to feel guilty about it.

stairs¬†Stairs. Seems silly to be thankful for them but our house has a set to the finished basement and to the upstairs. I used to take them for granted and only made one trip up them a day and would pile crap at the tops or bottoms to remember to take up or down on my trip. Now, if there’s something that needs to go up or down, it happens at this very moment and I dont care if I have to make 10 trips up or down. It’s good for me dammit and I’m going to do like it. LOL!

fruit strips¬†Fit and Active strawberry fruit strips. Oh so good! I’m not a very good fruit eater but I am always looking for a sweet snack in the afternoons. These are 100% real fruit and taste like fruit roll ups. They are very low in calories and are not to expensive at Aldi’s. Great crave curber!

peppermint teasugarThis one’s a two for one deal. LOL! I gave up my big pitchers of sweet tea when I started this change because I knew all that sugar was terrible for my body, especially since I have to watch my sugars anyway. So I found a better alternative and it was really a lifesaver when I was sick. Peppermint tea with a spoonful of Demerara sugar. It’s low in calories and it wasnt as addictive to me as sweet tea. Great pick me up after a long day of coughing and snotting.

wii¬†I weigh religiously on my Wii fit and that’s the only place I weigh. I occasionally do the exercises on there but mostly use it to keep track of my weight. I love the running and bike riding exercises. It almost makes me feel like I could really someday run outside and enjoy it.

special k¬†Lifesaver for those days when I really want something salty but I should’t use all my calories for the day¬†on a bag of chips. These are so great because you can have 20 chips and only 110 calories! And if you know me, I counted out exactly 20 chips and they could NOT be broken ones. That would’ve felt like a rip off. LOL!

salsaThis is my favorite store bought salsa. It’s so sweet and tasty and only 50 calories or so for 2 tablespoons.

Sour patch kids¬†I love these but they’re not my favorite. I just happened to¬† have these a little bit ago in the teensy little size that my kids got from a pinata at a birthday party. That’s how you should buy your candy if you can’t stay away from it at all. I initially wanted to avoid things like this that were an “extra” in my opinion because I thought I really wouldnt need them. Turns out, I do need a little sweet pick me up somedays and I can have it….in moderation. That’s the key. If you want one of you little “extras” go ahead and get it but only get a fourth of what you used to eat.

IMG_4124edtC

 I am thankful for a husband that has loved me for 10 years, 10 sizes, up and down 70 lbs, and every moment in between. He has never once said anything hurtful about my weight and still makes me feel beautiful in one of his t-shirts and sweats. I love him more than anything and he is my home. I am thankful for my kids, each of them unique and beautiful and constantly teaching me new things and showing me new reasons to keep being real, honest, and inspiring to others. Albany and Bowdy, if you ever read this one day, please know that I am so glad God chose me to be your mommy. You both show me something new every day and I love to see things through your eyes.

Lastly, I am thankful for myself. I may have ups and downs and hard times and great times but I’m so glad I am who I am. I’m honest, loving, warm, fuzzy, happy, snugly, and inspiring. I truly feel that God put me on this earth to be an inspiration to others somehow and I hope that I can do just that everyday. Inspire…

Advertisements

Day 25…

Wanna hear a funny? So I weighed the other day and I thought I’d be all organized on My Fitness Pal and type it in. Well, apparently I transposed my numbers all wrong and when I logged on today it said in my feed “Kristin has lost 26lbs this week” or something like that. At first I was like “Wow…did I really? I mustve missed something” but then I was like “Hmm, I should go check my weight chart and get to the bottom of this.” So I did and it said that I now weigh 235 instead of 253 (which is the correct amount). So I tried to change it and I cant…the only way that I can see to change it is to show my weigh in at what it is and make it look like I gained weight but I really dont want to do that. It’ll make me feel all negative inside. So I’ve just decided not to fix it on there and just wait it out until I actually do weigh that. Hopefully it’ll just be a month or so. LOL! Guess that gives me one more motivator to work towards because I’m all OCD like that. The part that’s really ticking me off though is that it lowered my daily calories from 1500 something down to 1400 something! That’s a whole dang granola bar that I could be eating! Sheesh! Oh well, I’ll suck it up. Maybe I did need to cut out that extra 100 calories.

On a different note, I’ll log my food here that I consumed today. We were low on milk so I decided to skip my shake today so the kids could have milk on their cereal tomorrow in case my husband didnt get any tonight at the store. You know me, Supermom, always thinking. LOL! For breakfast I had a nap…no seriously, I got Albany on her way to school, was super exhausted and not feeling really hot since I just got my allergy shots yesterday and hopped back into a snugly bed with my husband who was still snoring away because he worked into the night last night. So I had a PB&J sandwich at around 10:15ish and then had leftover bubble pizza at 1ish. Then I make steak fajita’s for supper with green peppers and onions. It was delicious! And it was not too bad on the calorie side of things either. The kids wanted to make cupcakes today and I didnt have a box mix so we whipped up some and some homemade frosting and I only ate a small one. I honestly drank my water all day long and probably downed 10 glasses (big glasses with the hard plastic wall) and I didnt have a single craving for anything today. I did log onto Facebook though just a bit ago and someone posted a picture of this:

2481242373_7e9653b5e3

 

I was like “Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me?” I have not wanted a pop since this whole trip began and after seeing that I thought I might explode if I didnt get a dang A&W Root Beer pronto! My second thought was “Wonder what kind of car that is? and my third thought was “Holy crap! That’s not hardly enough pop for a bird!” So that brings me to my next random thought…why did they start supersizing so many things? I’m sure there are 2 hour long documentaries on Netflix to explain this phenomenon (and others, I’m sure) so I’m not going to get too heavy on the topic. But I do want to mention that in order for our nation to become smaller as a whole, we need to stop thinking so much bigger. Our brains are programmed to think that bigger is better and more is more but really we’re just overindulging and committing the sin of gluttony. Sadly, it’s a sin most people dont even realize they’re committing. Just like my cupcake…before starting this diet, I would’ve probably gobbled 3 up before the night was over and not thought a thing about it. Now, one is probably a terrible idea. The strange part is that I honestly could’ve done without it. I didnt crave it. My body wasnt telling me that I needed it. I dont know why I picked up that pretty little cupcake that was made from start to finish from scratch by me and my kiddos. I guess their handiwork in the sprinkle department somehow made me feel guilty. I dont know. I’m not going to kick myself for it because it’s not really worth it but I need to really truly listen to my body. If it’s thirsty, I drink. If it craves cooked carrots, it’s ovbiously needs those nutrients. If I’m craving something sweet, I’m going to satisfy that with some yogurt or a 50 calorie fruit strip.

I keep saying this isnt really a diet…it’s just a way of switching this for that. It’s a balance of good and bad. It’s probably the most natural of ways to lose this weight and keep it off forever. I fully anticipate 3 years from now still only eating one cupcake on a rare occasion as a treat. I understand that I cant just lose 60 lbs and then treat myself to high fructose corn syrup and sour cream and onion chips every day. It’s not natural and it’s self sabotage.

I’m going to get off my pedestal now and get to bed. Another of my goals lately has been to get more sleep. I recently had my thyroid checked because I was just exhausted all the time. The test turned out normal…just happens that I’m not getting enough sleep. So I read something today that said to map out when to go to sleep based on how much sleep you want to get. So I’ve decided to go to bed at 10 every night. It also said that even if you really dont feel tired, start training your brain to that routine and eventually you’ll be ready to fall asleep sooner and sooner. Guess my brain has about¬†6 years of damage to reverse and retrain. LOL! It should keep me busy lately. It’s a good thing I dont have a real job or this could get annoying. HAHA! TTFN!

Day 24…

I dont really know what to type tonight but I feel compelled to write. I feel compelled to give myself credit for all the things that I do actually do right. Aside from being a failure when it comes to my weight, I have value in other areas. It’s sad to be so blunt about it but there it is…out there. Regardless of what size I hope to be, at this very moment, I am sitting here the size I am. I cant just wake up tomorrow and fit into my high school cheerleading t-shirt. So right now I’m going to focus on what I am here and now…not who I was, not who I want to be…but simply who I am. I have been watching a ton of Dog Whisperer lately and one of the things he said that sticks out in my mind is that a dog lives for the now. He doesnt live in yesterday’s moments or in the future moments. He lives for the now. So that’s what I’m hoping to accomplish by doing this.

I am a lover not a fighter.

I love with my whole heart.

I love my husband, my kids, my 10 year old cat, my silky lovie dog Ruby, my outside dogs and cats and my collection of my photographs.

I also appreciate anything from the 40’s and 50’s era. I’m not a total time machine nerd but I love pinup style and those black and whites where everyone is super serious in front of a mansion where their whole family lived.

I love to cook for my family. I just really like pleasing them more than anything. Nothing sounds sweeter to me than the kids saying “Mom, who made this?” I tell them I did and they’ll say “Mommy, you are a good cook! This is so good!” I strive for Tim to tell me something is good and sometimes I literally have to pull the compliment out of him because that’s really not his nature to go on and on praising something. LOL!

I am intrigued by bugs. I dont necessarily want them on me but if they’re willing to stay in their own space, I could study them for hours. Which leads me to my next thing…

I love to teach my kids about bugs, plants, planets, the human body…anything that I can teach them brings me such great joy! I love that when they have questions, they come to me and usually I can answer them. (Sometimes though, I’m so thankful for Google on my phone. We all learn something that way!)

I love that I’m so computer savvy sometimes. If I want to learn something bad enough and have enough focus, I can do it.

I love that I am able to recognize my faults but not put myself down to the point of misery. I usually pick something great about myself and focus on that.

I love that I dont always have to have my camera strapped to me at all times. It’s so nice to just enjoy taking the moments in rather than “capturing” them.

I love how disconnected with Facebook I’ve become lately. I used to be this person that checked my phone every free second to figure out what all my friends were up to. I deleted that app from my phone and purposely leave my laptop battery dead so I cant check in all the time. It has been such a beautiful break and I’m really glad I did it. I can focus my attention on other things. One more mountain I conquered! ūüôā

I love how my kids are turning out. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure everyone says that about their kids but I mean it. It was killer trying to mold them into beautiful, helpful, kind and caring kids but we did it. God blessed me with having two children 10 1/2 months apart and I made the most of it and I’m pretty darn proud of the things Tim and I have taught them.

I am happy that I have made some good friendships and really stepped out of my comfort zone these past few years. I surprised myself by taking on the role of Event Chair for the Relay for Life here but I’m so glad I did. It is definitely a teaching moment in my life. Ever since I was a 12 year old candy striper at the nursing home, I’ve been working with people but not to this degree. This is a whole new ball park and it’s been such a good challenge to work through things and have a successful crew behind me.

I’m proud that I am finally in control of my days and my life. It seems like for so long, I lived this life of unknowns…I didnt know what I was going to do tomorrow, I didnt know what my mood would be, I didnt know what I was going to make for supper, I didnt know if my kids had clean socks, and the list goes on. Now I know that I am in control of my days and if I have a good day, it’s because I made it happen. If we have a good supper on the table and the sink is empty of the dirty dishes, it’s because I did it. It’s because I had that kind of motivation to get through the small day to day tasks.

I’m not going to go on because I seriously cannot stop yawning but I’ll exit with these final statements:

I am Kristin. Also known as Suzy Q, Mommy, Mom, Honey or Babe. I feel the most content wrapped in a great big bear hug with my head buried in the crook of my husband’s neck where I can smell him. My heart flutters when my son reaches for my hand all on his own. My face lights up and sometimes I fight back the happy tears when my daughter points her cute little finger at the words of her book and reads. I could spend all day twirling the silky ringlets of her hair. I could soak up the aroma of Bowdy’s hair after using his daddy’s shampoo. My fondest days are spent indulging in the sunlight listening to happy giggles from the swingset or patio where the kids play with a purring cat on my lap. I feel the most comfortable around new people when I’m behind a camera. I giggle like there’s no tomorrow and I smile with my whole face. I have one single dimple and a zillion sun kissed freckles all over my body. I long to smell like the fragrances in a departent store like Chanel #5 but mostly I smell like sweet baby powder and Victoria’s Secret body spray. I¬†deeply desire¬†to be like my grandmother, quiet and kind and I strive everyday to do right and inspire others. I know right from wrong and I’m not afraid to do the right thing, even if it’s the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I am me…beautiful, loving, warm, and snuggly and probably a hundred other descriptors that I’m not even aware of…

Day 23…

I have been soooo bad lately. I’m sorry I havent blogged. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been terrible at logging things in My Fitness Pal too. Anyways, I am proud to announce that I am down another 2 lbs!!!

I was so scared to weigh today because I felt like I totally fell off the bandwagon but I made myself do it and I was pleasantly surprised. I guess the trick of weighing is to wait about a week after you’ve done terrible at your diet and exercise and then weigh. LOL! I had a week of sickness…I had a terrible throat infection and a double ear infection. My throat actually had a hole in it and my uvula was swollen twice the size it should have been. I havent felt that yucky in so long! All I could think about was comfort food and a warm snuggly blanket. After that I took some antibiotics which caused a yeast infection and had a UTI on top of that (sorry if it’s TMI). I fought that for another week and finally I’m pretty much on the mend. I am proud to announce that I have not had a single glass of sweet tea in the past 23 days, I have only had one pop (that’s because my mother in law shamed me into it), and I have been really making an effort to eat more fruits and vegetables and less sweets and carbs. I can honestly say, I dont do the protein shakes twice a day anymore. I usually do one for breakfast now that I’m back on the bandwagon and I eat a really light lunch (usually it’s leftovers of what the kids didnt eat or a peanut butter sandwich.)

I’m not going to lie, while I was sick I got really down on myself and almost quit altogether. I had almost convinced myself again that I was fine the way I was and that I will always be a heavy person. I told myself lie after lie but somehow, I didnt drink any sweet tea…actually, I didnt even crave it. So that told me that if I can break a 15 year habit in 23 days, that I can do this. I may not see huge numbers falling off when I weigh but as long as I see that minus sign instead of the plus sign, I’m doing great.

I watched a lady on Dr. Oz the other day that had lost 107 lbs in 2 years and was able to keep it off for 5 years. Granted she totally did a paleo-whatever diet and was super extreme but she did it. I saw her, practically the same weight I am in her beginning stages and decided that if it takes me 2 years, it takes me 2 years. I cant possibly just jump up and down and have 60 lbs shake right out of my pantaloons! LOL! I just need to keep focusing on making better choices every day and it will show…slowly.

I have had a really hard time balancing my feelings in all of this. I really want to lose the weight but I struggle with the idea of being one of “those” women. I know I’ve talked about it before on this blog. I have been thinking of all the things I’d love to do once I’m there. Here’s my list.

1. Shop on the right side of Maurices. For 5+ years now I’ve shopped on the plus size side on the left and I’m so ready to be able to fit into a size XL or 16 jeans.

2. Look at myself in the mirror and actually turn and look at my profile. I rarely ever to that because I can accept my standing, from the front appearance. It’s that pregnant looking belly that really kills me.

3. I want to be able to zip my grandmother’s coat. This sounds so silly but the other day, I was going to help my grandmother open gates to feed cows. She handed me a pair of mud boots and a coat to wear. The boots wouldnt go on and I had to wear my grandpas. (That doesnt bother me too bad though because I’ve always had thick calves) But when I put the coat on and it wouldnt zip, I was really embarrassed. It barely fit across my shoulders and I was scared to death it would rip out when I opened the gate but I survived.

4. I want to run. I dont mean I want to run marathons or anything but I just want to be able to jog and think it’s fun.

5. I want to fit into the women’s Carhartt clothes at Farm and Home. They have some really cute work clothes and I want to be the “cute farmer’s wife”. Super vain, I know but I cant help it.

That’s all I can think of right now but I’m sure there’s more that I’m missing. I saw a blog yesterday and she was soooo stinking funny and I thought to myself “Oh, I’m sure she’s one of those skinny perfect mommies” then I read some more of her blog and she’s not. She posts her size on there and her fashion sense is to die for! She wears a size 16 dress and size 14 jeans. I realized that after I saw how comfortable she was in her own skin, that I want to be just like her. She is gorgeous, sexy at times, comfortable in her own skin, and a great funny mommy that loves her kids and husband unconditionally and shows it in quirky ways. Basically, exactly what I’d love to be. I will get there someday…I just keep telling myself “Keep it up Kristin. You can do this!”

Until next time, check out Brittany’s blog. She’s great!

http://brittanyherself.com/2013/02/12/a-red-lipstick-valentines-day/

Day 8…

So it’s naptime here at my house. I just put Bowdy down and Albany is at school. Tim is out cutting wood and feeding cows. I thought I’d pop in and share some more motivation…or whatever. LOL!

Yesterday I saved my calories all day because I really really really wanted some awesome Mexican food from the restaurant that I dont know the name of. HAHA! So Tim decided to ask his mom to watch the kids and we would go out on a date! Double awesome…good food and date night. Well….as we pulled into the parking lot, there was not a soul in sight. The sign for the hours read “Sunday: opening soon!”. Goodness…that wasnt soon enough. I wanted some cheesy chicken and refried beans dangit! So we settled on steak which is pretty calorie packed but it’s grilled and protein so I wasnt too upset. Where I went bad was when I ordered an appetizer order of onion rings. Oh my gosh, were they good! I went over my calories by 27 yesterday and didnt exercise at all…oops. Today I’ve vowed to do better. I guess you can cheat on date night.

Today I have only had one protein shake and several glasses of water. Let me tell you, I’m starving! My stomach has growled all day and I’m dying for some food but I’m not giving in! I’m making chicken fajitas tonight and I’m soooo looking forward to the smell of cooked green peppers in my house! I love love love that so I’m holding out.

Tim and I had a discussion yesterday about the difference between him and I. It was so strange to think of things that way. I am such an artist and free spirit that I just float along in life and sometimes dont take things too seriously but I also am an all or nothing person. I love deeply, hug tightly, smile fully, and laugh straight from the belly. But on the other hand, my valleys get pretty low too. When I’m down, I’m down. There isnt much in the middle for me. And Tim is the exact opposite, he’s not a dreamer or a wisher. He lives his life in the middle, emotion wise. He doesnt get too upset over things and he never gets excited about things like I do. I guess that’s why God paired us up so Tim could balance me out. LOL! I read a quote today that pegged me to a T.

A strong woman is one who feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow just as abundantly as her laughter.

A strong woman is both soft and powerful. She is both practical and spiritual.

A strong woman in her essence is a gift to the world.

Pretty awesome, really. I’ll admit I’m not really a crier…in the sense that I dont cry around people but every thing else hits the nail right on the head. I need to stop thinking of myself as a failure every time I go over on my calories or dont exercise. All God really wants me to do in this world is raise these babies, please my husband, and be a good person. If I do nothing else in this world other than that…I have given the world all I have to give and it’s enough. That doesnt mean I’m going to stop fighting this battle with my weight but I’m going to stop beating myself up every day when I falter. I’ll just¬†try harder the next day. This will not defeat me…I will reach my goals and I will still be me when this is all over. You just watch me…

Here’s a video I just ran across and I’ve never been a big fan of Jason Castro but I love this song. Enjoy!

Day 6…

I’m such a failure…actually I’m not doing too bad but yesterday felt like a failure. I needed to go grocery shopping yesterday and I took the one and only, BOWDY! LOL! I figured we would just hit McDonald’s on our way home and I would get the lowest calorie meal and all would be good and I’d drink my protein shake for¬†supper…NONE OF THAT HAPPENED! He picked Pizza Hut and it just so happened that they were having their buffet…oh goodness and it actually looked pretty good. I decided on a salad with limited toppings and no croutons. I had a little bit of egg on it, sunflower seeds, cheese and a glop of french dressing and a spoonful of cottage cheese on the side. Easy enough, I just traded my usual stuff for healthier stuff and limited the portions. Then it came time for main course and I chose a half a slice of sausage and sweet onion pizza and a half slice of chicken supreme pizza and a small spoonful of the chicken alfredo type pasta that I LOVE and one small breadstick. (Which if you’ve seen their buffet breadsticks, they’re like a fourth of the size of a regular breadstick) So I guess I did all right because I typed it all into my fitness pal and it was only 550 calories. Oh, I forgot to mention that I only drank water with lemon too. So then I’m on my way home, trucking along after shopping and my mom calls and we made plans to have dinner with her, my dad, and my littlest brother last night. So I figured I could choose a healthy option if we went out to eat…NOT! She brought home 2 Casey’s pizzas…a meat galore and a bacon cheeseburger (my fave). I looked it up on My Fitness Pal and one piece was 500+ calories! Can I get a WHAT!?! Anyways, I still had 1200 calories to use up according to my app so I went ahead and ate 2 pieces, guiltily I might add.

Today I woke up with the guilt of yesterday fresh on my mind and I had decided that my will power would be back. So Tim asked me the famous “What’s for breakfast” question as soon as we got up and I figured since it was Saturday and it was fairly early that I’d fix them all a big breakfast. I made biscuits, sausage patties and fried eggs. I looove sausage patties and can rarely turn them up. I made smaller patties today and when I gave Albany her half, Bowdy turned down the other half so I ate it…dont freak out…it was smaller than a half dollar to start with!¬†I am proud to announce though that while my family ate this meal that would normally be one of my favorites, I sipped down my protein shake and water. Way to go will power!!! Today for the kids’ lunch I fixed them a ham salad sandwich, pickles, cottage cheese, and pretzel sticks. It was so tempting because it didnt look like there was much ham salad left so I decided to make myself a half sandwich with what was left….WRONG AGAIN! There was a full sandwich worth of ham salad left so I ate that for lunch. I must be in a state of denial because I have yet to enter it into My Fitness Pal…I will though and I’m thinking I should just feed the kids something for supper that will absolutely not tempt me and I’ll drink my shake. That way I’ll feel less guilty.

Oh goodness, it feels good to get all that off my chest. I was feeling so guilty about it but putting it all out there doesnt seem too bad…that and the fact that I shoveled snow yesterday for an hour and my body aches today reminds me that I did do something physically strenuous yesterday and I got my heart rate up and working so I burned off alot of those calories. My head is saying “Relax momma. You’re going to be fine. One day of small slip ups isnt going to kill you or ruin your progress this far. You are fine, fresh, and fierce and you can do this!”

So do this I will…I’m off to do some steppin on the Wii fit game!!!