I dont really know what to type tonight but I feel compelled to write. I feel compelled to give myself credit for all the things that I do actually do right. Aside from being a failure when it comes to my weight, I have value in other areas. It’s sad to be so blunt about it but there it is…out there. Regardless of what size I hope to be, at this very moment, I am sitting here the size I am. I cant just wake up tomorrow and fit into my high school cheerleading t-shirt. So right now I’m going to focus on what I am here and now…not who I was, not who I want to be…but simply who I am. I have been watching a ton of Dog Whisperer lately and one of the things he said that sticks out in my mind is that a dog lives for the now. He doesnt live in yesterday’s moments or in the future moments. He lives for the now. So that’s what I’m hoping to accomplish by doing this.
I am a lover not a fighter.
I love with my whole heart.
I love my husband, my kids, my 10 year old cat, my silky lovie dog Ruby, my outside dogs and cats and my collection of my photographs.
I also appreciate anything from the 40’s and 50’s era. I’m not a total time machine nerd but I love pinup style and those black and whites where everyone is super serious in front of a mansion where their whole family lived.
I love to cook for my family. I just really like pleasing them more than anything. Nothing sounds sweeter to me than the kids saying “Mom, who made this?” I tell them I did and they’ll say “Mommy, you are a good cook! This is so good!” I strive for Tim to tell me something is good and sometimes I literally have to pull the compliment out of him because that’s really not his nature to go on and on praising something. LOL!
I am intrigued by bugs. I dont necessarily want them on me but if they’re willing to stay in their own space, I could study them for hours. Which leads me to my next thing…
I love to teach my kids about bugs, plants, planets, the human body…anything that I can teach them brings me such great joy! I love that when they have questions, they come to me and usually I can answer them. (Sometimes though, I’m so thankful for Google on my phone. We all learn something that way!)
I love that I’m so computer savvy sometimes. If I want to learn something bad enough and have enough focus, I can do it.
I love that I am able to recognize my faults but not put myself down to the point of misery. I usually pick something great about myself and focus on that.
I love that I dont always have to have my camera strapped to me at all times. It’s so nice to just enjoy taking the moments in rather than “capturing” them.
I love how disconnected with Facebook I’ve become lately. I used to be this person that checked my phone every free second to figure out what all my friends were up to. I deleted that app from my phone and purposely leave my laptop battery dead so I cant check in all the time. It has been such a beautiful break and I’m really glad I did it. I can focus my attention on other things. One more mountain I conquered! 🙂
I love how my kids are turning out. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure everyone says that about their kids but I mean it. It was killer trying to mold them into beautiful, helpful, kind and caring kids but we did it. God blessed me with having two children 10 1/2 months apart and I made the most of it and I’m pretty darn proud of the things Tim and I have taught them.
I am happy that I have made some good friendships and really stepped out of my comfort zone these past few years. I surprised myself by taking on the role of Event Chair for the Relay for Life here but I’m so glad I did. It is definitely a teaching moment in my life. Ever since I was a 12 year old candy striper at the nursing home, I’ve been working with people but not to this degree. This is a whole new ball park and it’s been such a good challenge to work through things and have a successful crew behind me.
I’m proud that I am finally in control of my days and my life. It seems like for so long, I lived this life of unknowns…I didnt know what I was going to do tomorrow, I didnt know what my mood would be, I didnt know what I was going to make for supper, I didnt know if my kids had clean socks, and the list goes on. Now I know that I am in control of my days and if I have a good day, it’s because I made it happen. If we have a good supper on the table and the sink is empty of the dirty dishes, it’s because I did it. It’s because I had that kind of motivation to get through the small day to day tasks.
I’m not going to go on because I seriously cannot stop yawning but I’ll exit with these final statements:
I am Kristin. Also known as Suzy Q, Mommy, Mom, Honey or Babe. I feel the most content wrapped in a great big bear hug with my head buried in the crook of my husband’s neck where I can smell him. My heart flutters when my son reaches for my hand all on his own. My face lights up and sometimes I fight back the happy tears when my daughter points her cute little finger at the words of her book and reads. I could spend all day twirling the silky ringlets of her hair. I could soak up the aroma of Bowdy’s hair after using his daddy’s shampoo. My fondest days are spent indulging in the sunlight listening to happy giggles from the swingset or patio where the kids play with a purring cat on my lap. I feel the most comfortable around new people when I’m behind a camera. I giggle like there’s no tomorrow and I smile with my whole face. I have one single dimple and a zillion sun kissed freckles all over my body. I long to smell like the fragrances in a departent store like Chanel #5 but mostly I smell like sweet baby powder and Victoria’s Secret body spray. I deeply desire to be like my grandmother, quiet and kind and I strive everyday to do right and inspire others. I know right from wrong and I’m not afraid to do the right thing, even if it’s the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I am me…beautiful, loving, warm, and snuggly and probably a hundred other descriptors that I’m not even aware of…