The Diary of a Hopeful Fat Girl

WordPress.com

Month: April, 2013

Day 42…I think.

So today I went to the allergist for my yearly checkup on my allergy shots. Last year if I remember right, the nurse had quite the internal battle when it came time to weigh me…I could tell she didnt want to embarrass herself or me by starting the weight out too high (they have one of those old time doctors scales with the sliding weights on the top). She started out by sliding the one to the 200 lb mark then I could clearly see her struggle, trying to decide to slide the smallest slide all the way to the end or just slide the 50 lb slide to 250. She went back and forth and finally said, “Oh this scale is so touchy sometimes.” Needless to say, she basically threw her hands in the air, frazzled and wrote down 260. LOL! I know darn good and well that I weighed at least 265 but I wasnt going to complain.

Today, different nurse…different story. I went through the door and was immediately clammy. My pits were sweaty and my bangs were starting to feel a little curly from the persperation underneath. I dropped my purse and Bowdy’s Angry Birds bag next to the scale and hopped on. She slid the slide to 150 then to 200 then slid the 1 lb slide to 240 and tap…tap…tap slowly she climbed all the way to 250 and the most amazing thing happened…it went all the way down!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!?!?! That means that I weigh less than 250 now!!! Officially it stopped at 248! It has been at least 3 years since I can remember being below 250. Actually if I’m going to be downright honest with you, the day I was admitted to the hospital in labor with Albany I weighed 249.5, if that tells you anything. LOL!

Here’s the real kicker. I havent brought myself to weigh on the Wii scale today because I’ve been a cheater for weeks. I’m not kidding…I even drank a Dr. Pepper, Cherry Coke, and a regular Coca Cola today. It’s bad people…I was under a dark cloud of allergies, IBS, and plain old depression. I didnt get to the point where I hated myself but I just had no get up and go to leave anything but my butt imprint on the couch. I was tired all the time and when my eyes werent swollen shut, my nostrils were and after every single meal for several days straight, I would have to make a mad dash to the bathroom to…you know… (I’m soooo sorry for TMI but I promised pure honesty here and we all know I’m a great storyteller because I leave nothing out. LOL!) I have eaten mini M&Ms, Reeses PB eggs, chips, Chex Mix, sloppy Joes with the bun…anything and everything I wanted, I got-All except for the one thing I’ve been avoiding for 42 days now….SWEET TEA! I dont know why I’m holding on so well in that area but I feel like it might just be my only motivator some days. It’s like a mental coach saying “Kristin…you kicked that habit. It’s old news and you’re not going back. If you can drop that jerk like a backstabbing friend, you can keep up with this eating healthy and working out business.”

Here’s my take on all of this… a summary so to speak. I’m not perfect but I’m making small strides. If I hadnt made some changes, you wouldnt see me here…blogging away about my success. If I had totally fallen off the bandwagon, you wouldnt see me here 17 lbs lighter. If I had completely given up on myself, you would see that lying jerk, Sweet Tea sitting here next to me in my favorite polka dotted glass. I’m winning this fight. Slowly but surely, I’m winning. Every day, I’m winning. Every single second I am getting stronger and stronger and changing my mind. I pray to God that I can keep this up because I want so badly to help others. This is what drives me…I want to be a success. I want to one day share this blog with other people that are sitting there beating the hell out of themselves mentally about their weight. I want people to know that whatever size or shape they are is beautiful but unfortunately it’s not always healthy. Stay beautiful and stay beautiful for much much longer once your healthier and happier.

I’m going to leave you with my little “note to self”

Dear Kristin,
This is totally silly but I want you to know that you are beautiful, smart, and kind. You laugh with your whole being and you smile with the prettiest teeth ever (thanks to Crest ProHealth with whitening. LOL) You have a great relationship with your husband and kids and you’re worth every single second it takes to work this weight off. You will have bad days and you might have some “black cloud days” but you will work through them. You have a gorgeous heart and some amazing friends you share it with. Stick it out. Keep fighting. Never give up.

Love,
Yourself

Advertisements

Day 38…

This isnt a real post…let me warn you…I’m on a pity pot and I’ve had about enough of sickness. I’m going to start off by saying, I havent stepped on a scale in 8 days and it’s probably a good thing. For the past 8 days, I’ve been sick with the worst kind of sickness imaginable. It’s the kind that sucks you down into this black hole and makes you feel worse than you’ve ever felt before. Ok, ok that’s a lie. I’ve felt this way before…try-umm ALL LAST WINTER! I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before but I have terrible allergies to literally everything. I’m allergic to mold, dust, trees…oh and cockroaches. You know those friggin ladybugjapanesebeetle things? Did you know they’re related to cockroaches? And everytime they’re in my windows, I cant open the windows because they’re dead skin flakies fly into the air and I breathe that air so naturally my nasal cavities swell to the size of grapefruits and snot starts dripping in all the wrong places…not pretty ya’ll…not pretty. So continuing with my pity party, I was exposed to some nasty mold a few weeks ago in an old high school gym where the kids have birthday parties. After that, I was deathly ill for at least 2 days. I didnt want to do anything but convert oxygen into carbon dioxide. I got lazy and lax and just basically gave up. That’s a bold face lie because I didnt give up…I just got lazy and lax. I never once made any sweet tea! Can you believe it? I’ve thought about it on several occasions…basically sweet tea to me is like crack cocaine to a hooker. So the fact that I’ve been able to quit it cold turkey without any STA (sweet tea anonymous) meetings, is a miracle. So I guess as long as I have given that up and dont return to it, I’ll always have hope. LOL!

So I’m sure you’re wanting to hear something uplifting, right? Because that’s what I do an all…I inspire people! HAHA! So I have a TON of intentions for this summer and the next years to come in my life with this whole weight loss thing. I got my old bike from the college days and Tim polished it up…actually, he just greased up the chains so they would work and he’s going to work on the brakes. I was really excited to ride it again until I hopped on and the seat was tilted upwards and nearly bruised my hoo hoo! I whined a lot and he fixed it a little and I hopped on again and it still didnt feel right. Guess I’m going to have to do some practice and build up a tolerance for it. LOL! I also took the kids and dog to the walking track at the school the other day and they rode bikes and I walked until my feet hurt and Ruby (the dog) is finally getting the hang of this whole leash thing. I was quite proud. I better head to bed. I have at least 2 other things I could whine about but I’m tired and ready to wilt and read some of my new library book. Night ya’ll. Until next time…dont drink sweet tea!