The Diary of a Hopeful Fat Girl

Month: July, 2013

Sunday – A Day of Much Needed Rest

Did you catch my state of exhaustion in that title. LOL! I have been running non stop this past week. We finally sold our old house (HAPPY DANCE) and I kick started this crazy lifestyle change and we spent the weekend at the lake with my parents camping. I’m used to a slower pace and more relaxed at home routine. This week was a jolt to the system, that’s for sure.

I actually sat down to upload some songs for my runs but after several failed attempts, I’ve given up and downloaded a workout song app to play while I run. It’s cool because it plays alot of different songs and I dont have to download them or hassle with moving them from computer to phone. Another plus size to utilizing my phone so much is that I have it with me when I run and it’s like my little security blanket. LOL!

I told you I would share some of my research and I wanted to post a few links from what I found.

This was the article/blog that I read that actually made me decide to start running. Her words were sooo delightful to hear because she basically was me at my heaviest. And I thought, “If she can do it, I can do it.”

Here’s an article about sports bras. I’ve read dozens of them but this was the most straight forward and easy to understand for me. I am a 42DD and it was NOT easy to find a sports bra that worked for me. I bought the biggest size Walmart had a few weeks ago and could NOT stuff my muffins in for nothing! NO JOKE! It was awful and it’s a good thing I’m not claustrophobic or I would’ve probably died in that thing!

Here’s the link to the sports bra I purchased and LOVE! The back straps are convertable and can be criss crossed or worn regularly. I ordered the purple and black one that is listed on the left.

If you know me, you know I’m a “project” person. I love to have something I’m working on at all times. I finally had a lull in my regular projects and decided I would be my project…that is my body anyway. LOL! I love to make things look beautiful and decided it was time to work on my body. I look at it in the mirror and love so many things about it but aside from the appearance, there were things that I needed to beautify. As silly as it sounds, I saw a picture on Dr. Oz one day (and I hate that show for the record) that showed a diagram of what the human body looks like that is overweight. It showed a 3D type view of a person that was very heavy in the front, like me. I was appalled at the amount of fat surrounding the organs! I realized that my insides were really not that healthy. While my outward appearance may be heavy, I always thought it was attractive and never had a body image problem. Well, that picture on that blasted show was a huge wakeup call! I had no idea my organs would be suffering!

After I ran yesterday, I felt great emotionally that I had completed a small goal. But later as the day went on, my body was drained…my muscles were weary and tired. I stepped out of my parents camper and down the one little metal step and my legs wobbled like that of an 80 year old man with a cane! I really thought I would end up in a heap on the ground! So the fact that my body responded that way, made me think that my inactivity had probably caused aging of my muscles and had somehow damaged them, not permanently of course. That neglect of my body is so so sad to me. I can remember all the things I used to do when I was young…oh wait! I am STILL young! I need to get myself well and active now so I can stay young longer.

That is why I am putting my body through this. That is why I’m “dieting” AKA eating healthier. That is why I want to be a runner. I want to feel that drive to put my body to the test and succeed!

I havent been very forthcoming about my weight loss with my kids because they are little and I never want them to have a body image problem or think they’re fat or whatever but I think they’re catching on to my changes. The other day we were in the car and Bowdy said “Mommy, are you trying to lose weight?” I said “Well, yes kindof but mommy really wants to run.” He said “YAY! Mommy is going to run with us, Albany!” He was soooo excited that I would run with them! I about cried right then and there. Our inside joke was always that Momma dont run. As sad as that is, that was what he remembered….that I dont run. Well, enough of that boloney! I’m going to run if it kills me!

I have also become one of these people that I couldnt hardly stand…I’m a bragger. Unfortunately this lifestyle has consumed me and I’m obsessed. I dont really mean to brag but I’m pretty excited about my accomplishments and the things I’ve learned and done. I dont know if people percieve me as a bragger or if they’re truly happy for me. I know my family and close friends are happy but I’m not sure that the random people I run across are. LOL! I dont really care at this point. I’m going to try try try to not be an annoyance so I’m trying really hard to stick to posting my thoughts on this blog instead of flooding my Facebook feeds with things. That way people can choose to read my posts or not. Either way is fine by me but I’m not going to force it down their throats. I really really hope that through my battle, it may inspire someone else to take action to get active now, while there’s still time.

Before I close, I want to thank all of the people that have supported me this far! I’m sooooooo blessed to have you all in my life and I know you love me regardless of shape or size or fitness level. Thank you all for supporting me and encouraging me to never give up!


A few late night thoughts from a very tired momma

So…this is me in my new workout clothes from Lane Bryant. Do I look like a real runner? I was putting all my new stuff on and couldn’t stop beaming to Tim how I looked like I could really do this. Lol!


I have on an awesome sports bra from their website too. One of these days I’ll actually get on my real computer and share some research I’ve done on sports bras and workout clothes for plus sized women.

Today I survived my first workout on my Couch to 5K program. I downloaded an app on my phone that tells you exactly what to do and how far you’ve ran all while playing my music. Here’s some of my random thoughts during and after my run/walk…

– This isn’t so bad (after the first 2 60 second running intervals)
– I think I’m dying…as long as I don’t dry heave and cry like they do on the Biggest Loser, I’ll be great.
– Man, everything jiggles and jumps on me while I run. This is like twerking with Miley Cyrus. (So from now on, until the butt jiggles go away, I’ll refer to my workouts as twerkouts) lol!
– I kept telling myself to just keep pushing through it.
– I got chased by 2 dogs that were barking at me so I’ve decided I need a new route.
– This running thing is seriously going to be my new obsession.
– Bowdy is going to be so proud of me! (We always made the joke that momma don’t run).
– I sure hope the guy with the hay trailer sees this big ol gal in the neon green shirt huffing it up this hill and doesn’t run over me.
– Tim said my feet would hurt and after the first 3 intervals I didn’t even notice the pain.

And the list could go on and on…I ran 1.3 miles combined today! And I thoughts couldn’t be a runner…pssssh! Girls, I got this! Now I take a break tomorrow and do it again the next day. I have also been doing the elliptical for 10 minutes before shower and bed and I’m sleeping like a baby! I’m so anxious to weigh in Tuesday! I almost weighed early today but knew that would be cheating and that wouldn’t get me anywhere. Better head to bed, I’m exhausted! Have a happy twerkout!

Todays walk…


This is my view on my walk today…I may not have a glorious all weather track or paved city streets but what I have is good for the soul! When we first bought our house 3 years ago, Tim started mowing a path through his hayfield (in the back yard) and around the pond. Since then we’ve kept it mowed and it is my walking path. I hadn’t been utilizing it as often as I should but lately it’s been a good constant. Plus the kids love to walk with me and smell the flowers on the milkweed, count the pears on the tree, rub on the pond dam, and pick blackberries. It may sound silly but that path is my happy place.


It’s a “this for that” battle

I feel so tech savvy today. I’m blogging from my phone! How awesome is that?!? I was hoping to be able to do this for a quick check in once in a while and to post pictures quickly since I use my phone alot for fast snap shots.

Anyway I just logged my food for today in My Fitness Pal and I’m feeling pretty good about my eating today and water intake. Yesterday was my anniversary and I’m not sure I really stuck with my calories. I had a cheeseburger and bbq chips for lunch, and 1/4th my ribeye sandwich with a few waffle fries and 2 cherry Cokes with my supper and a waffle cone with yellow cake batter flavored custard for dessert. Sounds terrible now that I’ve put it in print but I hope I made up for it a little today. I woke up late and didn’t eat breakfast (I know, huge no no) then I had a turkey breast chop salad at Subway and half sweet tea and half unsweet tea in my glass and a big bottle of water. This battle is really a “this for that” battle. I’m choosing what I put into my body…sounds ridiculous because we all choose what we eat but I’m consciously choosing to eat good or bad. Yesterday I had a headache from lack of caffeine so I chose to drink pop. It was probably a bad decision but I justified it. See how easy it is to trick ourselves into the wrong things? I’m not saying you should never have pop or custard…we should just be prepared to work it off afterwards. If you consume a 200 calorie pop, what are you going to do to burn those calories. Dieting is as simple as that. You want to lose, you have to understand the science of it. Today is a new day, just like tomorrow and the next day. Just because I made some bad eating decisions yesterday on my anniversary, doesn’t mean I can’t do better tomorrow. I tell myself “Chin up buttercup! The only way to lose is to lose. It’s not an easy quick fix but you can do it.”

It’s a new day and a new start…

So if you’re reading this, you’re probably already a friend of mine on Facebook and you may have already read my other posts from this past spring. I’m back on the bandwagon, so to speak, and I’m starting over. I reread all of my previous posts last night and I seemed so whiney and pitiful! Although, I remember all of those sickly bad feelings as if they were yesterday. I was terribly sick with my allergies. That was all before I went to my allergist and begged him to make me feel better. A nose spray, prescription allergy/asthma medicine, $107, and several months later I’m feeling like myself! Finally, someone helped me! Someone believed my misery and actually prescribed something that worked. On a little bit of an unrelated topic, I dont know if you knew how much stomach trouble I was having…I would eat a meal and then within an hour be writhing in pain and running to the bathroom with diarrhea. (Sorry TMI) Well, I made an appointment with a GI specialist, thinking it was something really wrong. I was scared to death it was cancer…no lie! After losing my cousin to colorectal cancer last year, I’m paranoid. So I decided to get checked out. Randomly though, before that appointment I had my annual checkup at my allergist and my annual allergy testing. So I mentioned to him that I was having stomach trouble and wondered if I could have a food allergy. He figured it was easy enough to do the tests and rule things out. The nurse did all the sticks, and you have to wait 15 minutes before Dr. Ciesemier can come in and read the tests. When he came in he said “You have a severe food allergy!” And I was shocked! I figured it was to wheat or gluten or something like that but it was to tomatoes! It was so random and so simple and it explained everything! As a matter of fact, as I was sitting there, I was recalling my last unpleasant episode and it was right after spaghetti! I was also allergic to green peppers but it wasnt quite the severity. Anyway, I avoided both of those for a few weeks and realized that that was causing all the trouble so canceled my GI appointment and have not had a lick of trouble since! I was thrilled!

So back to my plan to lose weight…it’s super easy and IMO, the “right” thing to do. I am going to watch what I eat and consciously make better eating choices and exercise. I will be having 1-2 protein shakes in the place of breakfast and lunch and then a regular dinner. I will track my food on the My Fitness Pal app, just like I was doing before. I am also going to start running! Can you believe it?!? Tubby ol’ me, RUNNING?!? It’s always been something I wanted to do and after doing some research and reading some blogs of chubby runners, I’ve decided to do it! I downloaded the Couch to 5k app on my phone that’s supposed to help you condition for a 5k. So once I get through that, I’m going to do the COLOR RUN!!! I am soooo excited! I’ve always wanted to do it but never thought I could be a runner.

I weighed today…I was scared that I had gained the 20 lbs back plus some that I had lost this past spring and was pleasantly surprised…I had actually only gained about 5 lbs of it! So here’s my stats. I weighed in at 251 this morning. My heaviest weight ever has been 265 and was the beginning of this year. My sizes havent changed much in clothes so I wont list those. I am 5’5″ and according to the Wii Fit game, I’m obese. Sometimes the truth hurts but I’m ok with it. I need to live in the real world.

I’m not an overeater but I do abuse homemade sweet tea which I am cutting out of my diet. I used to drink an occasional pop but I’m cutting that out as well. I feel like I eat the wrong things so I’m trying to incorporate more fruits and veggies in my diet but I’m really just a meat and potatoes kinda girl. LOL! I’m not going to have specific days to cheat but I will treat myself once in a while to things, in moderation. Tim is trying to do this with me but I’m not sure he is going to follow things as strictly as I plan to. Today he’s been working his butt off and my measly 8 oz protein shake was definitely not going to do the trick so he had a sandwich for lunch and some watermelon. I told him that if he is going to “diet” and get hungry then there’s no point. The point is, you’re not supposed to be hungry and starving yourself…you’re supposed to eat just eat the right things.

I feel like I’ve written a book already with this post so I wont bore you any longer but I have done a lot of research about sports bras and workout clothes for the “plus size” that I’d love to share but that’ll have to be another post. I’m about to make my 6th trip up and down the stairs today to go work on laundry. Hopefully that counts for something. TTFN!