A little discouragement
I’m not going to lie, this past week has been a killer on my nerves and emotions. I’ve been down more than up and have had trials I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about yet. I guess I’m posting today to keep holding myself accountable. I got on the scale today feeling pretty good about things to find a gain of 3.7 lbs! I was immediately in “optimist mode” and told myself that it wasn’t bad at all because I weigh 228 and that’s still an overall loss of 37 lbs, which is a really big deal but….and there’s always a but. I reverted back to my old coping mechanisms again. I turned to comfort food this weekend after another awful squabble with my mother. I turned to comfort food yesterday after the dog peed on the floor and made Tim furious and I didn’t react well. I turned to comfort beverages (sweet tea) at my great aunts funeral dinner Saturday. I turned to a comfort breakfast the other day after a hard morning getting the kids ready. I had excuse after excuse and I talked myself into every single bad eating choice.
I know I’m not alone in this because I follow several inspiring women on Facebook that have traveled this journey too and lost alot of weight but it’s comforting to know they still have hard days and weeks too. It seems like they’ve all been posting their struggles and I’m glad to see that real side of them too.
As for myself, today is a new day and so far, I haven’t screwed anything up yet. I’ve had a protein shake for breakfast and a big glass of water and I plan to take a good walk later after physical therapy and work through these anxieties the best I can. Here’s a letter I wrote to myself this morning when I needed a little extra pep talk:
I know you’re struggling right now. I want you to know that it’s ok to feel that way. It’s ok to feel anxious, confused, defeated, and sad. It’s also ok to reach out for help and admit when you need it. It’s ok to rely of your husband and best friend for advice because, after all, they’re the only close people in your life who have never let you down. You are beautiful and kind and important and you make a difference in people’s lives in so many ways. You are blessed with an amazing trait of self control and you will do great things with it. If you had a super power, that would be it. So put on your Spandex suit and cape and go about your life. Take every new sunrise as a fresh start and thank God daily for your many blessings. You deserve happiness and peace.