Omigosh! That picture in insane! I am getting a new phone tomorrow and I thought it was fitting to post this picture before I lost all my old pics. It’s been 4 months, a total of 18 weeks and I’m down 46 lbs! I’m soooo proud of the hard work I’ve put in and every single emotion I’ve felt along the way. It’s a whole lot easier to stay positive now that I’m seeing some great results. I almost want to go back a read some of my old posts to see how far I’ve come. When I posted the picture on Facebook today I got so much great feedback! Now that I can actually see a bigger version of it since I’m on my laptop I think it’s time to reflect on it a little.
That shirt was so tight this last summer I decided to cut the sleeves out so that I could wear it to clean house in and feel free, now it’s loose and baggy around the arms. I cant get over how much slimmer my face is! I’ve always had a round face and I’m ok with that but it seems like my neck is shapely now. LOL! The biggest change is in my belly! I seriously looked pregnant before! I am floored by that! I am actually proportional now and I’m not embarrased to show a picture of myself. Those pants that I’m wearing in the after picture were tight when I bought them…tight everywhere, even my ankles. And in this pic you can see they’re loose now. This may be total TMI but bear with me, I’m wearing an old 42DD bra in the “after” pic and it is doing me no justice. It’s too big in the ribs (on the last hook) and in the cups. I look almost droopy here. LOL!
So reflecting on the “before” picture. I can see that my smile is super duper fake and I remember being so nervous to take this pic and potentially post it on the web for the world to see. I hated my belly and I was so uncomfortable in the workout clothes but I can remember giving myself a pep talk and telling myself that I had to start somewhere. Those shoes just look smooshed…like there was way too much weight on them!
Seems like lately I’ve been struggling. I have been making excuses not to do the elliptical at night “I’m too tired. My back hurts. Tim needs time with me. I want a cupcake. I dont have a sports bra clean. Yadda yadda”. Tonight I told myself I was gonna do it, regular bra or not and I killed it! I did 1.75 miles in 16:53! Lately I’ve been kinda lazy I guess and my best time ever was 1.75 miles in 17:40 so that’s a HUGE difference! I know I can and I need to make myself do better. I need to push my body to the limits. I know I still have a ways to go and I’m by far not perfect in this battle. In fact I’ve been struggling with food so bad the past few weeks. Our farm raised meat supply is gone and we’re waiting for our calf and pig to be butchered so we’re down to hot dogs and bacon for a while. We were figuring out our Christmas budget so we hadnt been grocery shopping and I was making “make do” meals just to feed the kids. The meals weren’t awful but they werent the sliced turkey and spinach I was used to eating. So instead of eating crap food, I just wasnt eating…that’s not the answer folks! I was losing weight at about the same rate as usual but I wasnt feeling the best. I was tired all the time, I got shaky and felt dizzy more times than I care to admit. Something was missing in my diet and I knew it. I was just ignoring it.
The thing is, I want to be down another 4 more lbs by Christmas. Then I will be down 50 lbs and that’s a HUGE Deal. That’s as much as my kids weigh! It’s exciting and scary at the same time. This weight loss has changed me physically and emotionally. I’m stronger than I ever thought I was and I feel like I could do anything. Granted I’m not running 5k’s like I wanted but I’m getting there. The fact that a 220lb woman can run a mile alone is pretty dang impressive! I follow a lot of weight loss pages on Facebook and so many of them are running the races they always wanted :5K, 15K, half marathons, marathons. But they’re now down to 150-170…I think it is much more achievable at those weights to meet those running goals. I need to keep focusing on diet and exercise for now and losing the weight. Eventually, I will be running those races and they will be new challenges for me to overcome and make me stronger yet.
My last deep thoughts for the night…I’ve never really felt like I had made anyone proud. One of the biggest fights I got into with my parents was that I never felt like I made them proud. I always felt like my life wasnt good enough or the life they wanted me to live. I wasnt a doctor or an accountant…I was simply a mommy and wife and occasional photographer. I never felt like I made a difference in anyone’s life. I needed something more in my life to feel fulfilled. Am I there now? Nope but I’m a lot closer than I was 4 months ago. I want to inspire people. I want to motivate someone to choose spinach on their Subway sandwich from now on. I want to be a support system for someone trying to give up pop. I want to talk with someone that is struggling with their weight or anything really. I want to really be that person. I dont care if my parents are proud of me or not…I am proud of ME and how far I’ve come. And I AM good enough, my life IS good enough.