It’s all fun and games…

by kristinwood

It’s all fun and games until I feel lonely and start to think too much. I’ve had a fairly busy day today with the kids. I’ve started a new crocheting project and it’s turning out so pretty. I’ve kept my housework up better than usual. I have all my paperwork ready for our tax appointment tomorrow. I made a really good dinner. I did my arm exercises and weights. The kids have been in bed about 2 hours now and it’s starting to set in…I’m alone. I’m snuggling with my little doxie, Thomas, and Ruby is sleeping soundly by my feet. I still have this fog of isolation surrounding me and I want to eat. I want to go into the kitchen and cut a big piece of leftover jello cake and then a bag of chips, fill my glass full of sweet tea and settle down for a nice pity party tonight. Tim’s at work and I feel so alone. While most people are dreading the new week, I can’t hardly wait for it to start because I know I will have a few days to spend time with him before he starts this routine all over again. You’d think after 9 years of him working every single weekend that I’d be used to it but I’m not. I just want him home right now or at least be able to call him and talk.

I’m choosing not to snack. I’m choosing to go fill up my water glass, crochet another granny square, run Thomas’s belly and get through this awful emotionally charged craving. I am not defined by this. I am defined by all the bad choices that I could have made but didn’t. I am defined by the number 55…that’s the pounds lost at this point. I am defined by these skinny ankles I’ve worked so hard for and have never had before! I am defined by my willpower, courage, and determination. I will get past this stupid trigger and I will be victorious tonight. Another battle to mark down in the books as a win. Another good choice I made and another step towards what I want.

I am so thankful for this blog and for the people who read it and have stopped and offered me words of encouragement and congratulations. This blog has been a beautiful/scary/crazy/awesome took to release my feelings and write about my triumphs and failures too. Thank you all again for riding this roller coaster with me and helping me become a better person. šŸ™‚