The Diary of a Hopeful Fat Girl

Month: July, 2014

One year ago…

One year ago I had no idea I would make it this far. I had no idea when I took those “before” pictures that I would actually succeed and inspire others too. I had no idea how it would feel to get on the scales and see happiness instead of pain, guilt and embarrassment. I had no idea how it felt to try on clothes and not cry. My world had been shrunk while my body had expanded over the past decade and there were so many things I had no idea about.

I had I idea I would step out of a beautiful claw foot bath tub and see this…


Yep…that’s me in a towel on the internet. That is a regular towel and it fits around me! That hasn’t happened in years! This morning I put on a pair of one size fits all leggings and they actually fit! No seams were ripping, I checked! Lol!

I guess what I’m trying to say is on this year long journey, I’ve found myself. I’ve found the confidence to post a picture of myself in a towel with wet hair and fresh face on the internet. But most importantly, I found the courage and strength in myself to let go of the imperfections and self hate I used to carry and see my true skin deep beauty. I made my goal this year. I lost 65 lbs and I found myself! I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store! Maybe next year I’ll post a bikini picture. 😉


Just some observations

I know I haven’t truly blogged in a while. I said I was taking a break…and I am. I just have had so many exciting things going on and I feel like there’s so many people embracing the changes that come with trying to lose weight or get healthy in my little community. I am thrilled and eager to share my knowledge and spunk with whoever will listen. It’s funny because I feel like I’m more than qualified to motivate others. I’ve binge watched so many Biggest Loser episodes that I definitely channel my inner Jillian Michaels during my workouts now. Lol!

I had some thoughts I needed to put to print and get out of my head. Today we went to Kirksville and the kids wanted breakfast from Pancake City. I tried really hard to stay on point when I ordered so while the rest of the table was scarfing bacon and pancakes, I had salad and a grilled chicken sandwich (which I only ate half of). Anyway back to my observations. I noticed the booth we were sitting in was so far from the table. I had to scoot all the way to the front of it and lean overt plate to eat. Tim said. “Just think of the size of most of the diners in here…” So I peeked around. I was instantly saddened by what I saw. I saw a 20 something woman with severe acne on her third Mountain Dew that I overheard talking about being exhausted from her nursing school rounds that morning. I saw a 60 something couple and the man was probably nearly 350 lbs and limped his way out the door. His wife was complaining on speaker phone about her cholesterol meds being too expensive. I saw a table full of people that had let themselves go so bad. Their hair was ragged, glasses broken, the man at the end of the table had a big hard belly in front. He was trying his best to tuck his shirt in. I saw another man at the register that was stick thin but when he turned to the side, he looked about 8 months pregnant. I’m not trying to poke fun or be mean but I was so sad for them. You know their body’s inner workings are not right. You know they are extremely miserable.

On top of those observations today, we went to Walmart and I saw some buying habits of people with food stamps. Im not going to start any controversies about people on good stamps. I understand sometimes you truly need the help. And I get it, we all struggle but these people were buying overly processed foods, pop, sugary things and all sorts of “red flag” foods as I call them. I told Tim, “Imagine the dent it would make in the obesity epidemic if food stamps could only be used for fresh produce, frozen and canned vegetables, whole grains, and dairy?!?” Wouldn’t that be awesome! I think it’s definitely something for the government to do some studies on.

I’m not going to rant on and on because I have tons of work to do today but it was just some things I couldn’t get out of my mind. I wish everyone could have the healthy lifestyle education and desire to life that I have. I wish people realized how much they’re killing themselves. I wish people cared about themselves and had some pride in their bodies and actions. To me, that is something the American government could work on. But who would really listen?

July goals


I know it’s almost the 4th but I’ve stayed on point so far. Here’s to successes this month! ONEderland is just a hip hop away and I’m gonna see it soon!