The Diary of a Hopeful Fat Girl

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Month: August, 2014

True grit…

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See that…that is today’s run. I don’t know why it has freaked me out for three days now. I’m afraid I can’t do it. It’s the seemingly hardest run to date. What if I can’t run it all? What if this allergy crud gets to my and all the phlegm keeps running and slows me down? What if I’m slower than a turtle? What if I have to walk a little?

All these questions keep flooding my mind. It’s crazy to think this way. I wish I could just shut my mind off and go in autopilot but I know this run is going to be mind over matter. My legs and feet are conditioned for this, my lungs are better than they’ve ever bed. My mind just needs convinced it can do it.

Either way, whether I run the solid 20 minutes or walk some of it, I’m still winning. Why? Because I have the strength to stand face to face with something hard and still say “I’m going to try.” I am already winning because I got up and drug my body out of that warm snugly bed and got dressed. I’m already winning because I packed my earphones, water and armband that carries my phone.

One of my favorite quotes keeps hitting me this morning.

What if I fall? Oh but dear, what if you fly?

I’m going to fly…

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Lord help me to accept the things I cannot change

Today I woke up and checked my Facebook, as I do nearly every morning. I had two posts on my We’re Losing It! group page that was people saying how frustrated they are with things and down they are on themselves. Then I scroll a little bit further and there’s more posts where people are frustrated or whining or looking for sympathy and encouragement…and guess what?!? They get it! Then I see my few positive and upbeat posts about nonscale victories and asking people what their motivation is and I get very few comments. So I’m mad. I’m laying here mad to start my day. I don’t know where to vent my anger so I decided to just type it here where very few people actually read on a daily basis. I said the serenity prayer a few times because sometimes focusing on those words really helps me. Today it didn’t…

I cannot help these people. As much as I wanted to be something awesome for them…I just can’t. Why? Because very few of them really want to stop making excuses and help themselves. If you’re reading this and struggling or one of the people I’m referring to, I’m sorry but this is when my tough love kicks in. Do you honestly think I cut myself any slack the past year? Absolutely not! Do you think I made excuses leading up to my success? Absolutely not! Do you think I let a bump in my routine ruin everything? Absolutely not!

I was driven! I had God’s fuel raging through my veins. I was determined! I wanted this more than I wanted to whine on a Facebook forum! I wanted to be the best form of myself I could be! I have been humbled several times though and I’m sure after posting this people will humble me some more but YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DO THIS! No one else is going to put your shoes on and tie them and make you go out the door. No one is going to tell you that you’re doing great when you feel like death on the elliptical. No one is going to slap cookies out of your hands. No one is going to shop for veggies and fruit.

Here’s my last piece if advice before I get up and do something awesome with my day.

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