Feeling compelled

by kristinwood

This week has gone by in a blur. It’s fair week here and that’s something our town practically shuts down for. It’s awesome and sometimes annoying too. Lol! Anyway, I made a very public goal to not eat ANY fair food until tomorrow night (date night). Mostly that goal was set because I weighed 201 at last weigh in and I have my eyes on that ONEderland prize! I have never wanted anything as badly as I want to get over this plateau and get under 200 lbs.

It’s been terribly rough this week too. Tuesday night my adorable children and nephews and niece all had cotton candy and kettle corn. I bet I turned down cotton candy 7 times that night! Then Wednesday night my mom had these…

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They’re several potatoes cut really thin into curls and deep fried. I love them with seasoning salt and ketchup. They used to be one of my all time favorite fair foods. I could have eaten an entire thing of them in one setting…by myself. My mom asked me several times if I wanted any and then wafted some in my face. That was the hardest one yet to say no to.

Last night I wanted anything and everything. The lies I told myself in my head almost tempted me to buy a bacon meat stick, ice cream and nachos…all at the same time. I was even tempted to mix them all together and shove them in my face. No joke…that thought crossed my mind. The mildest lie my mind told me was that one nacho with cheese wouldn’t hurt anything. Then that number flashed in front of my face…201.201.201! I snapped back into reality and focused on that prize again!

Tonight will probably be my hardest yet but weighin is tomorrow morning and I have to do it! So I’m planning ahead. I’m going to take my raw almonds and an apple. There’s my salty, crunchy and sweet. I can do this!

Another thing that’s been plaguing my brain lately is this whole running thing. I ran my first 5K last weekend and got a time of 43:35. It wasn’t great but it wasn’t dead last. I was proud because I finished but I was disappointed because I didn’t push harder. I gave up easily and walked soon into it. I walked a lot of it. I fussed with my earbuds that were shorting out. I worried about smiling and waving at everyone. I worried about Tim by my side huffing and puffing and trying to push me. I tried not to get mad at him. I played the asthma card and told him how hard it is to be a distance runner with it.

I should’ve blogged right after the race to clear my head. It would have been nice to look back on later for some memories. Hopefully in a year or so I will have made my time better.

I’m still doing the couch to 5k program on my phone but I think I need to stop it. It’s making me discouraged. I’m having a hard time pushing myself to run as much as it wants me to. I want to walk and then I get a bad attitude with myself and basically want to give up. Tuesday my workout was 5 min warmup walk, 5 mins running, 3 mins walking, 8 mins running, 3 mins walking, 5 mins running, 5 min cool down walk. Ask me how much if it I actually ran…not that much. I made it through the first 5 minutes of running and the first 3 minutes of the 8 minute run. Then after that it was hit and miss. I felt dehydrated, deflated, and just plain didn’t care that day.

And I haven’t ran since. Today I’m going to do it. I’ve set my mind to it. It’s a cooler day and I’m going to run. Here’s my new plan for boosting my confidence and enjoying it again.

1. Run/walk a 12 minute mile.
2. Run/walk the second mile in under 13 minutes.
3. Walk a half mile to cool down
4. When running those miles, run as much as you can. If you feel like you need to stop, run 10 more steps. Then walk.

I think the couch to 5k was a wonderful program and I’m sure a lot of people have succeeded. But let’s face it, it’s not designed as a personalized workout for a 201 lb mommy of 2 who gives up easily. I have to pave my own way. I knows body. I know my strengths and weaknesses inside and out. I know when the going gets tough, I give up. Lol! I have to be selfish. I don’t have anything riding on whether or not I finish this program on my phone.

One of my all time goals was to run a solid mile without stopping to walk. I am still going to try to achieve that goal, at my own pace. I will eventually add a 3rd mile to my rules. For now, I just have to hyper focus on it and I will get the job done.

If I’ve learned anything over this past year and a month is that you can’t rush this. You can’t hurry the process along. You have to learn as you go and if stumble, fart, and fall down, it’s ok. It’s how well you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going that makes you a winner!

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