Cleanse Day 4

by kristinwood

This was supposed to be the Wonder Woman day…did I feel like Wonder Woman? Not really, kinda, sorta, maybe a little bit. I woke up with what feels like a knife in my back between my shoulder blades and it radiates into my ribs once in a while. I think I might have a rib out…when I take a deep breath it feels like it’s stabbing deeper. Idk what’s going on with my body!!!

Despite the back thing, I had quite a bit of energy. Especially after lunch after I had had a Spark. I sometimes get shaky after I’ve had one and not eaten enough. I’m sure it’s just my blood sugar doing weird stuff. Seems like I can’t keep it under control with the Spark. Idk. Maybe the Spark has nothing to do with it or maybe I just can’t handle that much caffeine because I rarely consume it.

I have been eating on point every single day because I’m a rule follower. Tonight I felt like I might’ve cheated a little bit. I made chili with hamburger (home raised lean beef I might add), kidney beans, home canned tomato juice and home canned salsa. I didn’t add any crackers or cheese but I really wanted to. My moms birthday is tomorrow and I wanted her to come over for supper and I honestly didn’t want to make myself a special meal. Heck, she already blasphemied me enough over the salad dressing at the restaurant. I didn’t want to make things worse. But looking back, it wasn’t that bad. The carbs in the beans might’ve been a little much but I’m not gonna dwell.

Tmi moment: those probiotics are crazy! I mean crazy in a good way. After I had taken them this morning, about an hour later guys started gurgling and about 30 minutes after that I pooped. It was a lot…it was not diarrhea and it was solid. I was so proud! I’ve been pooping regularly for 3 days now!!! I’ve never ever been regular. That’s a big accomplishment!

I’ve been thinking about what I really hope to gain from this cleanse. More than anything, I just wanted to throw myself into eating right and exercising again. Have I exercised yet? No. Why? I could explain it day by day but frankly, it just hasn’t happened yet. I think it’ll just happen when this cleanse is all over. I am swamped and overloaded with editing and sessions in October. I can truly only focus on so many things. Exercise just hasn’t been a priority. I know I will get back into it. I’m going to be kicking myself because it’s going to be hard…like really hard. I’m going to struggle and be embarrassed and mad at myself. I’m just trying to mentally prepare myself for all of that. It’s perfectly ok to have those emotions. It’s ok to suck at it when I start up again. It’s ok to start and stop a hundred times in my life. It’s not ok to give up. And I do not plan on ever doing that. I have worked to hard and really invested in myself to just throw it all away.

Back to what I expect. Naturally I want to see weight and inches lost. More than anything, I want to be in ONEderland. I want the struggles of these past few days to all be worth it. I want to know I have done the best I possibly can and I have succeeded. I’m not gonna lie, it’s rough when you can’t stop thinking about chips or chocolate. But it takes some real strength and will power to go cut that Apple and eat it instead of bingeing on the kids m&ms. I have what it takes to get where I want to be. I just have to keep on keeping on.

Today I’m thankful for my drive and determination. I’m thankful that God has put these qualities in me and has kept me pushing through. I pray daily for guidance in this life change and I want to be somebody that inspires others to be their best self too.

Good night all! Now to say my prayers and tackle day 5!!! Almost halfway through!