The “Feels”

by kristinwood

Today I got a bad case of “the feels”. You know when you feel something with your heart…you know really feel it? I’m usually a person who can shut off my emotions with the snap of a finger. I’m sometimes awkward and people have told me I appear heartless. I guess that’s just one of many of my defense mechanisms. Today was a different day though.

I subbed in 3rd grade today and those kids were so fun! I really felt like I could be me in their class. I enjoyed their stories and laughter. I had to be a little stern a time or ten. I made a little boy smile today. That doesn’t seem like much but he was such a sad little boy with a sad story. I just wanted to make him genuinely smile today and I did. You know the weird part…I wasn’t even really trying when it just happened. I almost bawled. As silly as it sounds, his fist bump and joking at the end of the day made my day. His along with several others.

I was so blessed to get to hug my kids extra times in the halls today and witness some of the best teachers I have ever seen doing their job. I watched 2 grown men get up and put on a silly presentation about brushing their teeth. I got asked about my tattoos. I played the question game where I ask them a question and they can ask me one in return. It’s so fun for younger kids and I usually get a kick out of it too.

I fed my 3 bottle kitties several times today and as silly as it sounds, I love them like my own children. I could go on and on about them and their antics but I’m trying to get to my point in this post. Lots of things that I did today mattered. I made an impression on several lives today, some were small and some were big. But one thing that didn’t matter today…was that I used to be morbidly obese.

No one noticed that. No one could tell or mentioned it anyway. It didn’t matter what I used to be. What matters is who I am now and what I have to offer people (and animals). No one knew that I finally made it into ONEderland yesterday and that’s been a year long goal of mine. I didn’t offend anyone. I didn’t take up too much space. I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable by my presence. I was simply me and I finally accepted that I was truly enough.

I wept over my kittens tonight as they purred gently after I fed them their bedtime bottle. I just felt so free. It was like the kite strings had been released and I could really fly and feel the sunshine on my face. In that moment, with crickets chirping in the sunroom and kitties settling down for the night…I loved myself all over again. I thanked God for that bedtime revelation and all of my beautiful blessings today.