Checking in

by kristinwood

I feel bad because it seems I only blog when I’m having a rough time. It’s kind of my therapeutic way of getting all the negative headspace out and giving myself a pep talk. Lol! Well I feel like things are going well right now. This week I’ve had several silly little victories. 1. I went to Kirksville yesterday and did my shopping, got my shots and didn’t eat out! I came home and had lunch here. 2. Last night I fed my family whole wheat pasta and no one noticed or complained!!! 3. I did a 40 minute kickboxing workout video on the roku the other night (with an audience) and didn’t die and kept up with the cardio portion. I can’t say that I kept up with the choreography perfectly but i didn’t get winded to the point of having to stop! That’s a huge victory to me!

I have worked out 3 times this last week and tried really hard with my eating. I’ve drank at least 6 of my 24 oz glasses of water a day and only one pop at lunch the other day. I’m feeling good about things. The weekend is coming and the binge fairy is NOT going to pay a visit this weekend! I can’t handle the salt! Lol! My ankles and feet will thank me.

I ordered some rings that have my kids birthstones in them in a size 8 to fit my right ring finger. They’re too tight. 😦 so that’s my new goal…to fit those rings on. They fit my left hand but not my right. Funny how our hands are different.

Last night Albany was doing her timed math facts sheet. She has 5 minutes to do 100 problems. She’s been working really hard to get them all finished correctly. Well last night was the first time in weeks that she didn’t get them all done. She cried…hard. I sent her to her room to think about why she was crying. When she came down we talked about how she was feeling: embarrassed, mad, sad, disappointed in herself, and frustrated. Then I asked her if she had done her best…she said she had. I told her that was ok that she missed 3 this time. She wasn’t piddling or not staying focused. She just did the best she could and that was all she could do. It was ok. She looked up at me with her sweet little face and one year slipped down her cheek and said “thank you mommy”. She said it with such relief that my heart just about broke knowing that she was that hard on herself.

I know another beautiful freckle faced woman that is hard on herself like that too…myself. Most days I expect perfection of myself at a level that no one could achieve. I never give myself grace or room for human error. I feel all of those emotions daily and rarely feel good enough. I’m working on giving myself grace. I’m working on doing the best I can. My best is good enough. I may not see huge results this week. I may not have the worlds best weigh in Monday but you know what…I did my best and that’s ok.

Today as I reflect on last nights conversation with Albany, I’m so proud of how I handled that situation and helped her. It’s so easy for me to encourage her and lift her up to be the best Albany she can be. I’m going to try to talk to myself the way that I talk to her. I’m going to encourage the voices in my head to be nicer. Lol! It sounds silly but I read a quote on Pinterest or somewhere that said “Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your child.” We all know words can hurt but so can those thoughts that plague our minds.

I’m going to come up with a plan to stop the internal negativity. That will be my homework for the next week. Every day I will get better and better…we only get one life but I thank goodness every day that I have started to make the most of mine before it’s too late!