I used to always declare Sunday as my rest day when I first started. It was my day to rest and relax and give my muscles time to heal. Today I declared a rest day so that my hips and hiney could hopefully recover. That hard elliptical workout got me yesterday. While my body rested today, my mind wouldn’t. I couldn’t shut it off or stop the thoughts.
After last nights blog post, I was starting to feel so scared and vulnerable for putting so much out there. I second guessed myself all day and longed for companionship. I was lonely and wanted someone to spend my lazy Sunday rest day with. Of course my kids were here but it’s just not the same. They keep me busy for the most part but they are absolutely not content to just stay home and play or relax. They always want to be on the go all the time. I’m the exact opposite. I just want to stay in my own little comfort zone with my little family and selfishly soak up as much as I can from their childhood before times flies and they’re on their own. I just wish Tim could be here to share it with me. Sunday’s are so hard when he works. While most families are getting dressed for church, Tim is getting ready for work. While most families are putting together a nice family meal and sitting down at a set table, I have packed Tim leftovers and made him a pb&j sandwich to eat on the way. While most families sit down and snuggle around a family movie, I’m reading books to my kids and heading them off to bed early…alone.
You’d think that after 10 years of this lifestyle that it would get easier but it sure doesn’t. It’s hard to fight all of the temptations when I’m feeling like this. I used to bake a lot on Sunday’s and then once the kids were in bed I would binge on cupcakes until my stomach ached. That feeling of discomfort was strangely comforting. It was like I was filling this void with food. Today I did my very best to stay on track and eat right. I didn’t want to binge. I didn’t want to eat hurriedly while there was no one around. So I drank water and fidgeted on my phone and watched my scary show. I bet I drank 4 cold glasses of water during the 3 episodes I watched but I didn’t eat a single thing! That is a victory! I might be up all night with a full bladder but I conquered a demon. The Sunday rest day loneliness demon.
Thankfully this is my last rough Sunday for a few weeks and hopefully my emotions will be in check and I can enjoy Tim during his next few days off.
Tomorrow is weigh day. I’ve felt so good about my diet and exercise this past week. I know there’s room for improvement but I’ve done so much better than I had been doing. I just hope the scale really reflects my hard work. I’ve been researching heart rate and its role in weight loss and exercise and I’m starting to grasp the concept and the benefits of monitoring it. I’ve asked for a Polar brand heart rate monitor for Christmas and I hope we can afford it. I think it’ll really step up my game and take me to a new fitness level that I’ve never been to before.
Enough of my ramblings. Have a good night.