10 reasons why you should just stay fat

I think that title pretty well says it all. I’m a list person. I make lists of lists of list. Seriously. It’s true. For the past few days this list has been running through my head and I just have to put it out there. 

1. Being fat is easy. 

Yep, it’s easy to be lazy and open up a box of sugary cereal to much on til lunch then go to the gas station and buy a 32 oz no 40 oz no 32 oz. Ok, might as well make that a 40 oz Dr Pepper to drink on all afternoon. Oh and chips. Yep. Must have that salty goodness that’s calling my name. Wow. That was the easiest lunch ever. Now for supper lets just order pizza. That’s easy. Then we can lay on the couch and watch SVU til bedtime. Let’s just make a night of it. 

2. Being fat is so comfortable. 

You always have comfy rolls to rest your arms on or thighs that just smoosh right together. And my God those sweatpants…they’re like living in cloud pants!

3. Being fat is safe. 

We all know that the victim on those crime TV shows is always talk thin and attractive. If a fat girl and a skinny girl are at a party hammered, more than likely those frat boys are gonna target that skinny girl is gonna be waking up naked in the morning on some smelly mattress next to some stranger that she either may or may not have consented to sex. 

4. Being fat is so much cheaper. 

There’s never a desire to buy that sweater because they don’t carry your size in it. And fast food is waaay cheaper than all those fancy salads and protein shakes. And did I mention that it’s easier to eat fast food? 

5. You never have to make tough decisions when you’re fat. 

You don’t need to decide which gym to join or when to work out. You don’t have to research trends on different muscle types for sprinting versus distance running. You never have to decide which hand weight to use, the 5 lb or the 8 lb. You won’t have to decide which running shoes to buy. Just pick the cutest. 

6. You will have so much more free time. 

Since you don’t spend Sunday’s meal prepping, you’ll be able to bake that pan of brownies or take a nap. You won’t be spending 30 minutes a day getting your heart rate revved to its fat burning zone so that’s about 3.5 hours you’ll have free every single week to do whatever you want!

7. You won’t have to think of responses to compliments or encounters with people in general. 

Usually no one will notice your new cute crossbody bag or your haircut. They’re usually trying not to make eye contact with you. They just avoid you altogether. You’re practically invisible! 

8. Speaking of invisible, you