The Diary of a Hopeful Fat Girl

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Month: January, 2016

20 days

Today is January 20th and that means 20 days since I decided to try a ton of new things. I know on the last day of 2015 I poked some sarcastic remarks at people who decided to lose weight on that first day of the year. I honestly do believe that weight loss needs to start as soon as you feel that rock bottom moment. It needs to start whenever the time is right. I also do not feel that January 1st is the right time for 95% of the people that start snd therefore most of them fail. 

I am not going to share about weight loss today. I’m going to talk about other aspects of my life that I decided to take control of when January 1st hit. Today I celebrate 20 days of meal planning and successfully budgeting using the envelope system! Tim and I wanted to take control of our finances and really feel secure in that area of our life. The reason I share this on my weight loss blog is because it is a lot like losing weight. You have to plan ahead, set some goals, practice a lot of self control and give yourself grace. 

I have not been perfect with my money handling or my meal planning by any means this past month but I am definitely 100% better than I have ever been. 

Here’s a little run down if what I have been doing in case you’re interested. Tim gets paid every other Friday and I get paid scattered in the middle of those weeks. The weekend that he gets paid, Tim and I set down and figure bills that are due during the next two weeks. We subtract that from the paycheck. That gives us the number of money left over to budget. Next we make a list of any possible expenses that might be due in the next two weeks like kids lunch money, new tires, haircuts, eating out, groceries or a shopping trip. I then divide what money is left into those categories. I sometimes will make a fun money category where we can both have $20 to spend on whatever we want. That gives us permission to buy something that we don’t necessarily need but maybe just want. If there isn’t enough money to go around then we need to prioritize. 

After a budget has been established then I get my dry erase board, calendar, and list making materials and head to the kitchen. I take a quick inventory of what we have on hand and try to plan meals for the next two weeks. Then I make a grocery list based on what is needed to prepare those meals for the next two weeks only. 

I am proud to say that I have done extremely well in not overspending and impulse buying. I even went grocery shopping with the kids Monday and we didn’t buy a single thing that wasn’t on the list! I was quite proud of us. Now granted, this isn’t nearly as rewarding as losing weight but it has made my household run much more smoothly. And I feel like Tim and I are finally united and working on it together. 

Let’s hope I can continue to keep it up because it is ridiculously rewarding. I’ve been thinking of it like a game! I strongly suggest that you do your research and start planning in your own home. It reduces so much stress and anxiety for me. Hope you’re having a good snow day! 

Success is a twisted road

I’m succeeding. I’ve lost 3 lbs in 8 days and I’m doing exactly what u set out to do. But do you want to know how I feel? Awful. I’m angry at myself and I’m sad and I’m upset that I don’t look fabulous in clothes yet and I want to wear my favorite bra again and I want my pants to stop cutting into my flabby skin in front and I want to see the success. 

 But guess what??? It doesn’t work that way. This road to success is twisty and winding and sometimes there’s potholes and road closed signs and deer standing alongside it telling you to slow down. I’m questioning myself and my worth and my value. It’s an ugly cycle that I get into and it is literally a battle within my own mind. 

So here’s what I did. I stood stark naked in front of the mirror and forced myself to look me in my eyes and I had a dialogue. I pushed past my demons and I told myself what I would tell my best friend or my child or my husband. Because in those moments where my mind was getting so ugly, I had to come at it from a different perspective. I was honest to goodness tearing myself apart and that is seriously unacceptable. So here’s what I said, “Kristin, you are not allowed to give up. You are an amazing creature of God and you need to fill yourself with His spirit and let yourself see you how He sees you. Don’t let the ugliness kill your beauty. You have lost 3 lbs in 8 days! 8 days!!! How many other people trying to lose weight are standing on a scale today 3 lbs lighter? You will never see that number again. DO NOT GIVE UP. You are winning and you are succeeding and you are awesome. Never forget that.”  

I’m not perfect. But I’m absolutely worth it and I deserve to be where I want to be with my body. And you know what? Im going to get there 1 lb at a time, just like everyone else. Someone once told me that you put your pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. It doesn’t matter that you’re pants are sweats and theirs are designer jeans. We all have to wear pants.