Success is a twisted road

by kristinwood

I’m succeeding. I’ve lost 3 lbs in 8 days and I’m doing exactly what u set out to do. But do you want to know how I feel? Awful. I’m angry at myself and I’m sad and I’m upset that I don’t look fabulous in clothes yet and I want to wear my favorite bra again and I want my pants to stop cutting into my flabby skin in front and I want to see the success. 

 But guess what??? It doesn’t work that way. This road to success is twisty and winding and sometimes there’s potholes and road closed signs and deer standing alongside it telling you to slow down. I’m questioning myself and my worth and my value. It’s an ugly cycle that I get into and it is literally a battle within my own mind. 

So here’s what I did. I stood stark naked in front of the mirror and forced myself to look me in my eyes and I had a dialogue. I pushed past my demons and I told myself what I would tell my best friend or my child or my husband. Because in those moments where my mind was getting so ugly, I had to come at it from a different perspective. I was honest to goodness tearing myself apart and that is seriously unacceptable. So here’s what I said, “Kristin, you are not allowed to give up. You are an amazing creature of God and you need to fill yourself with His spirit and let yourself see you how He sees you. Don’t let the ugliness kill your beauty. You have lost 3 lbs in 8 days! 8 days!!! How many other people trying to lose weight are standing on a scale today 3 lbs lighter? You will never see that number again. DO NOT GIVE UP. You are winning and you are succeeding and you are awesome. Never forget that.”  

I’m not perfect. But I’m absolutely worth it and I deserve to be where I want to be with my body. And you know what? Im going to get there 1 lb at a time, just like everyone else. Someone once told me that you put your pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. It doesn’t matter that you’re pants are sweats and theirs are designer jeans. We all have to wear pants.