Transparent Tuesday

by kristinwood

I have been feeling very compelled to blog lately. I don’t know exactly how to put my thoughts to words so I’m going to just pour it all out here and hope it isn’t just word vomit. Lol! 

I had previously thought I wanted to lose weight and be smaller and work really hard to be “healthy” and do what I thought the doctors wanted for me. When really I want to be able to eat what I want and teach yoga, staying active and the weight miraculously fall off. Well that’s not gonna happen. Ha! So I’m trying to just find this place where I am happy and healthy. I don’t want to gain any weight, and let’s be honest Ive maintained my weight for over a year so I don’t think that’ll be a problem as long as I don’t binge and I stay active. 

So total transparency, over the course of the past month that I’ve been weighing weekly I have been from 239-242. I dont think that’s anything to get my panties in a bunch about. In fact, maybe I should just measure my body and then revisit those measurements in a few months. That is probably the most accurate way to see change. Either way, if I’m being honest, I am truly happy in my own skin. 

At the pool the other day I had a fleeting thought “maybe I shouldn’t sit this way. People will see my rolls.”  Then I thought “eff that! People see my body in all it’s glory when I’m teaching yoga and I don’t think twice about it.” That’s leads me to my next point. We don’t see our bodies the same way everyone else does. We don’t see ourselves talk. We don’t see how we look when we drive. We don’t see how theback of our hair looks. We don’t live our lives in front of mirrors or on video (at least most of us don’t). So why are we always trying to hide behind skinny trees? 

What I’m saying is, I have tried to hide for far too long and I’ve been miserable. My happiest moments have been spent being in the moment, clearing my mind of any negative bullshit and feeling every moment for what it is. 

I can’t imagine the misery people feel trying to hide or tug or pull their clothes. I can’t imagine the negative uneasy feelings people have when they don’t want to be seen. This is just your body. Your true self really is on the inside. You don’t wear it like an outfit. You live it with your actions. 

Here’s my transparent Tuesday photo. 

This is me in my nightgown, hair a mess, tan lines, messy room, unmade bed and a pop tart in my belly. This is my life right now. I taught two yoga sculpt classes back to back last night and I held poses that I couldn’t do 6 months ago AND taught them to people! What the what?!? 

So I could be sitting here feeling all down and out that the scale hasn’t moved. Or I could be moving forward and living my life happily ever after. I choose happy.  Do things that make you happy. 

Yesterday’s class mantra is really my life mantra. Strong mind, strong body, beautiful heart. Have a lovely Tuesday friends.