Here I am. Send me…
I’m sure a lot of my Facebook friends are wondering why the cryptic messages and prayer requests. This is a very hard thing to talk about and I’m begging you to read onward with your heart wide open. Please don’t be quick to judge my brother. He has a beautiful heart and I am so very very sad that myself and our family have not gotten to see it for a very long time.
For the past 2 years he has built walls against us. Talk, scary spiky walls that can only be taken down by Gods grace. We don’t know what we might have done to cause him to harden his heart against us. I especially haven’t been given the opportunity to hear anything from him. He has blocked me and shut me out.
Long story short, here I sit.
I’m waiting on Colorado on his doorstep until he comes home. Several weeks ago I got on my knees and begged God to help this situation and to heal my broken heart and to use me as a vessel for His plan.
Last week I heard His voice loud and clear telling me to go. At first I didn’t bat an eye. I knew I had to find a way to follow His command. And the past 36 hours have been so scary and hard. I traveled 800 miles by myself to see someone who probably doesn’t even want to see me. I kept asking God the entire flight why me? I’m not strong or powerful or worthy of such a task. His voice has been very clear that yes, I indeed am. All along the way He has shown me his many promises.
The first one came in the form of a song. As it usually does because music is such a huge part of my life. I caught wind that Kylle had recorded backgrounds and some instrumental for an album on iTunes. I immediately downloaded it and the first song is titled “How I Need You”. Now I know that song was originally written talking about someone needing God but I heard Kylle’s voice crisp and clear. I truly feel he needs us and may not know how to reach out anymore for whatever reasons.
Yesterday at 6:00 am I had to check in for my flight and once I did, it gave me my boarding pass. My flight was #1984 and my gate was #33. I was born in 1984 and I am 33 years old. That was absolutely not a coincidence. God was speaking to me in numbers.
Today I visited his house numerous times and he was not home. I felt defeated and lost. I questioned God once again as to why He would send me all this way for this to happen. I went on a trail hike and prayed.
It was gorgeous by the way. I begged God to send me more signs. I was expecting a moose or something big to just walk out of the grass. But nothing happened. I waited an hour and still nothing. But His voice kept resonating in my ear “God keeps his promises”. As I walked out of the trail feeling very isolated and vulnerable i came across a huge area of daisies that I hadn’t seen before. Field daisies are my absolute favorite flower. God winked when I picked one up and carried it with me.
God keeps his promises. I decided to make one more trip today to Kylle’s house. I didn’t know what I’d do when I got there. I figured he wouldn’t be home. But guess what was right across the road from his house? 4 beautiful deer…a daddy, momma and 2 smaller ones.
The picture isn’t the most perfect but that’s ok. God sent those deer to me to send me a message. If you know me well, you might have heard the many stories about God sending me deer. I blogged about at least one of them further back if you’d like to read it.
Anyway, here I sit. My face is red and flushed from crying so much and lack of sleep. I feel like my appearance is a road map for where I’ve been these past 36 hours. So thank you to everyone who has been praying. I don’t know Gods plan. I may or may not get any answers out of this trip. But what I do know is that my faith is stronger because of it. Faith over fear my friends. ❤️❤️❤️